Today it happened. BF Ash's farewell. I'm still deciding how I feel about it. It is such a happy thing but a little weird to think that for a year and a half (+) we will be apart BUT doing the SAME thing which makes it much better. We will both be serving full time missions and awesomely awkward SM's. Rocking the nylons and name tags. Five years ago when we first met in Seminary neither of us would have guessed that we would be at this point in our lives TOGETHER. Here we are though and I am so grateful that we are here together, with Ash just a few months ahead of me. Ash will be serving in the Czech Prague mission and enters the MTC June 23rd. I hope to be just a few months behind her, maybe even in the MTC at the same time. (That question will be answered this Thursday, wooo!) I have heard stories of best friends serving in the same mission but that would be too good to be true. I can dream (until Thursday, wooo!)
Ash's farewell talk was so.... Ash. The flow of the talk, the thought process... so Ash. Especially when she admitted that she had/has a "spiritual crush" on Paul and quoted C.S. Lewis. Man, I don't know what a mission takes but I have heard things and from what I've heard and pieced together it sounds like it takes a lot. And I KNOW that Ash is ready, she is going to bring it and bust it up over in Prague. Ah! I can't handle.
Here are a few classic BekAsh pictures. Stay tuned for a SM picture- name tags, nylons and all.
I have a few things to review. Just like the movie critics and their popcorn.
First- Prince of Persia. Saw it last night and if the fact that Mer and I laughed almost the entire movie is any indication of its quality then there you go. Definitely a boy movie. I mean hello, it's based on a video game. I should have known but really it was quite ridiculous. 1.5 popcorn. Out of 4 mind you.
Second- Daniel Deronda. A George Elliot book in movie form. A 4 hour BBC movie(the best kind) produced by Andrew Davies. BF Ash, Madre, Liv and I LOVED it. It provided a beautiful dichotomy of selfishness and selflessness. I would highly recommend it to any female. 3 popcorn.
Third- Homemade cinnamon rolls. 4 popcorn
Forth- Tomorrow's missionary farewell, BF Ash's farewell. I already know it's going to be a 4 popcorn. I can't WAIT!!
p.s. Wherever I go as an SM I think this jacket will do just fine. no review necessary.
BF Ash, J, M and I ventured out to a concert last night. It was a night filled with talk of travels and English accents. It was relaxing. I let the music sink deep inside me. The three bands/musicians were all from England and their pleasant accents reminded me of the English countryside- green, wet, and rolling.
Enough of the English though, it is the deep sinking music that I am really here to write about. It has been a long while since I felt music in the back parts of my insides. As I sat and listened it was more than my ears listening. It was my heart, my whole body just wanting to let every note seep into my skin. From the skin I willed it to find my bloodstream and then on into my heart. Filling me. “Fill, fill, fill.” My brain pleaded with the notes.
Recently I read a post on hoarding. It was something along the lines of "we all hoard things in some fashion or another." You can hoard anything and everything, from clothes to emotions. Here I am and I think I am hoarding decisions. Internal, "how should I feel right now?" decisions. I'm hoarding them. Stock-piling them in some corner that I just hope will disappear. Keeping them there for a real, rainy day. Avoiding them because of the unknown which they hold.
I don't consider myself overly indecisive (unless I am hungry or even starving ... then deciding what to eat or worse where to eat is impossible). Could it be that I am in fact emotionally indecisive? How did that happen? Does it happen when you let your heart grow? Does it happen when you open yourself completely? Does it happen when you want to trust?
Those are my Q's for now.
Today I changed. How much I just don't know- but I changed. There was a shift inside me that felt okay. Just okay and maybe a bit better than I thought it would. It all started with a line, one silly, simple, harmonious line. How much will change and how far it will go time will tell.
A swift, quick dive into the blogging world. For many months I have been reading other's blogs. Laughing, crying, hmmm-ing and haaa-ing at others lives in posted versions. I so enjoy what other people contribute so why can't I add my two-cents to this blog-o-sphere?
Well, because I was worried that my writing was lacking, that I didn't have nearly enough "photo-op" moments, or that my life was simply just not exciting enough.
Today, I will get over those fears and begin blogging because gosh dang-it I like my life. It's tricky and uncomfortable sometimes but all that is quickly countered by the beauty and happiness that my life is filled with. Just sometimes that happiness or beauty takes a smidge bit longer to find. I like learning about life, my life. I love how it so quickly unravels before me.
So I begin this adventure by serving Bekah Stew.
One metaphor that seems to be sticking right now.
I have been stewing lately, my insides are stewing. This so-called stew is some odd mixture between good anticipation for the future, fear of the unknown, achy status definitions and a big chunk of hope for another's success. No! Not just one other's success but many other's success.
There is some brilliant combination that I love. It is seeing those I love succeed. I love it because I know that every individual has the ability to succeed and when I see those I love succeed it's even better.
Anyways, back to the stew. I'm sure it can be served hot or cold because on the inside that's how it feels sometimes. And more than which temperature to serve it at is the difficult decision of what to serve it in. Tears, laughter, walking, talking, working, yoga-ing, cooking, or reading? I suppose that decision often depends on the day. Regardless this stew is past its date. I have stewed and stewed for far too long.
Serve me up in a form of chocolate, that's always delicious. Or how about a fresh green salad- fresh is always good.
