FSM Therapy

So a friend of mine, who happened to be very instrumental in my decision to go on a mission, is giving a talk this weekend to a bunch of recent high school graduate girls. She, of course, is speaking on choosing to serve a mission and she asked me what some of my concerns were before deciding to go and even after deciding to go. As I thought and begin to type up my concerns it turned into more of a therapeutic venting session. I am going to post what I wrote to her as part of that therapy. Sometimes it feels so good to just get things out there. So here goes:

-the old stereotype that I am going because I couldn't get married. yes. That stereotype seems to be one that I can't seem to shake and that I think a lot of girls worry about, regardless of how dumb or untrue it is. I honestly believe that is Satans way of tripping girls up and keeping them home from missions. Over and over I have been told that sister missionaries CAN be the best missionaries. That mission presidents (and my grandpa who was an MP in South Africa) want more sister missionaries. But mentally I have countered that stupid stereotype with just thinking about how many awesome experiences I will get to have as a missionary.... More than that though is the opportunity I get to share the gospel, the most precious gift I have, with people. I literally get to have a hand in saving souls. The souls of my brothers and sisters.... At times when I get really carried away and (unfortunately) prideful I think of how selfish I would have been to get married before now.

-Another concern is that I will become a dull, awkward RM who is frumpolicious. Automatically I say no thanks to that! 18 months will not change my desire to have fun and be crazy and laugh at corny jokes or even crack corny jokes. I have become confident in myself and my personality for the last 21 years I'm pretty sure its not possible for me (or any other girl) to become lame and awkward in 18 months and then stay that way for a lifetime. not possible. Also, I don't think that being set apart as a missionary means you can't have fun. I will be me as a missionary. Me with a personality that I have developed for 21 years, just with a name tag and a specific mission.

-This may be particular to my situation ... but I have worried about how my life will work out after the mission (this includes concerns about being older, single, unmarried, etc.) . My answer to this has come from a good friend who has repeatedly said to me that the Lord recognizes our sacrifices, especially on his behalf. How many times in my life have I worried about how things would work out or tried to plan my life the way I think would be best? Every time the Lord's hand starts moving things around and life works out better then I could have EVER imagined. Every time I am happier than I thought possible. He truly knows us better than we know ourselves and isn't it brilliant that if we live close to him he will lead our life to happiness through his plan rather than ours. The Lord is not going to abandon me after 21 years and especially not after 18 months of service on his behalf. After the mission will be taken care of just as before the mission was taken care of. Things will work out better than I can even imagine right now.

- And then that I won't cut it as a missionary. That I don't have a strong enough testimony to teach others or to convert others. I have been told 3 things to counter this. The first is that I am simply an instrument. The Lord doesn't really need us to convert because he has the spirit. He just gives us young adults that opportunity to learn from a mission and to be his instrument. The second is that if I am obedient then I will be a good missionary. With obedience comes the gift of the spirit and with that gift I can find people and with that gift I can teach people (or rather the spirit can teach people through me). Third is that if those you teach feel your love then it works. Love brings people to the gospel.

FSM (future sister missionary) signing off!